Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want a musical about memes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
