My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
