If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
