I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
