I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
