My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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