Sry I called you an 8
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
