why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
