dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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