I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
