We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
