I have demons in me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
