My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
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If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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