No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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