Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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