We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
