He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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