he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Holy shit dude........stairs
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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