I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
