the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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