So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
