I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
