no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm getting married
To pizza
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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