i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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