doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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