Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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