Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
