I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
