I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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