Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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