I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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