And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
