after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
