Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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