I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
