He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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