Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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