My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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