and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Come share oat with me in your robe
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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