i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so let's talk penis.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
