Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The uberlube is also flammable
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
