Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
