dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
