Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
