if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
