The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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