I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
