No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
