I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
