I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
