shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
