dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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