I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
