Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
