im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
