you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
