she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
