I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
