so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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