3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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