I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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