dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
