The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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