i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
accomplished twins. life is a go
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
