She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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