I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
