I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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