apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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