If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
