apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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