Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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