dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
