Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize