I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
